First these silly mortals manage to piss off Apollo by kidnapping the daughter of one of his priests. Of course he then smites the Danaäns with a plague and none of them can figure out why. I practically had to hold Achilles' hand to get him to consult a soothsayer to figure out what was going on.
Agamemnon is finally talked into giving the damn girl back, but he has to get all whiny and take Achilles' girl. Honestly, it's like I'm dealing with toddlers down there, breaking each others toys when they don't get what they want. I had to send Athene down to mediate their quarrel so that Achilles didn't run Agamemnon through with his sword!
To make matters worse, when I get back from dealing with that, I catch my no-good husband Zeus conspiring with Thetis. Her whiny son has asked for His help to knock Agamemnon down a peg... by aiding the Trojans! After their leader Paris scorned me by choosing to give Aphrodite the gold apple instead of me, I have sworn to aid the Greeks in this war. Of course my faithless husband would work against my wishes. My poor boy Hephaistos tried to defuse the tension by serving wine, but was mocked by the others. Jerks.
In order to uphold his promise to that hussy Thetis, Zeus then sent a dream to Agamemnon, telling him to attack the city of Troy, because I had convinced the other Gods to work against the Trojans. If only this was true! Agamemnon rallied his troops but first the vain man had to test their spirit and loyalty, and sent them home. After nine long years of war, of course they were eager to return to their homes. I again had to intercede and send Athene to remind Odysseus of the prophecy stating that it would take 9 years for the Greeks to conquer the city. This sent them back onto their intended path.
Honestly, what would these mortals do without Us?
"Troia, 1:5000." Map. UNESCO World Heritage List. 2009. Accessed September 10,
2013. http://whc.unesco.org/en/list/849/.
2013. http://whc.unesco.org/en/list/849/.
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